Grief around the Holidays
There are plenty of moments where grief can resurface and especially around the holidays. Grief around the holidays is often nuanced, as there may also be many happy memories involving traditions, spending time with loved ones, around plenty of others who care about and support you. The holidays can also be triggering for those who have lost close family and friends, as those memories from the past will live in the mind but will never be experienced with them again.
The holidays tend to put a lot of emphasis on family moments. And when a loved one has been lost, the experience can feel ever present, as the missing space can be deeply felt. I remember my mom said when my grandma passed away last year, “It is like there’s a hole in my heart for her that will never be filled.”
Loving the people we have lost doesn’t have to go away. We can remember them forever by creating photos, memory books, or an alter to honor them. We can remember them through loving traditions, such as making their favorite foods. Last November, I put together a celebration for my deceased-mother-in-law. We played her favorite songs, ordered some of her favorite food to commemorate her, and lit candles with her pictures glowing in the light. This ritual was a nice surprise for my husband, who had been missing his mom since she passed. It allowed us to bring her spirit into the present again, and to celebrate her once again.
Our culture doesn’t always allow room for grief. Some people don’t know what to say, so they make the mistake of saying nothing. It can feel like a very isolating experience. And depending on the loss, the experience may be even more complicated. If someone takes their life by suicide, the loss can become layered with complexity, often bringing with it shock and confusion, unanswered questions, or guilt. A loss by suicide is often not preventable, and yet, there may be an expectation that it could have been prevented. Recognizing that a loss of a close person to suicide means that they struggled with an illness, just as anyone else who dies of physical disease.
When grief resurfaces, it can be easy to isolate yourself and to feel like no one understands. It can be hard to witness all the celebrations and happy events happening all around you when inside you feel exhausted, depleted, angry, or sad. Being in the presence of others who understand and who actually get it can help tremendously. When you are surrounded by a group of other supportive people, you no longer feel alone. There is immense power in being validated, seen, and heard by other human beings, and connecting through the struggle. You do not have to go through this alone.
If you are experiencing loneliness, grief, or needing that extra support this holiday season, please reach out. At Every Heart Dreams Family Counseling, we offer support for grief and loss including traumatic grief. Additionally, we are offering a Support Group for Survivors of Suicide Loss, lead by Kasey Cope AMFT in November. Please explore our site for details and to sign up. https://everyheartdreamsfamilycounseling.com/survivor-support-group
